Stop Outsourcing Your Worth
2 tiny shifts that make you reliable to yourself again
You’re doing everything for everyone else. You think of yourself as a doer. You’re reliable, doing your best for your friends, work, and volunteering.
And then… when it’s time to show up for you, you freeze. You procrastinate. You disappear. You intend to have a healthier life: cooking healthy food, going to the doctor for regular check-ups, or taking breaks.
But it feels impossible to do. You can’t find time for yourself.
Last week, a client came with this exact problem after we analyzed her inner team…. And I could 100% relate to that because I was in those same situations for years, too.
What I didn’t realize until last week is that I overcame it.
A few years ago, I was spiraling all the time. I intended to do something for myself, like cutting out sugar, but then I procrastinated or ate even more, and I ended up criticizing myself for not following through with my intent.
And this went on and on almost daily. I didn’t do what I wanted to do that day and judged myself the rest of the day.
The value I saw in myself decreased every day.
The trust in me decreased every day.
It happened with every intent:
starting to exercise
New Year’s resolutions
eating healthier
starting the business
…
You’re the doer for everyone else, but not for you. Because you don’t feel worthy enough to do the stuff for yourself.
After reading books like “Worthy” by Jamie Kern Lima (which actually made me cry), I changed the way I viewed goals and my intentions.
Jamie writes that 80% of women don’t feel they’re enough.
You’re getting your worthiness from the compliments of others.
“You’re so hard-working””
“I can always count on you.”
“What you do for… is amazing.”
What if you got those compliments from yourself?
“I’m taking care of myself.”
“I love how I can always count on myself to do what I intend and want to do.”
“What I do for my happiness and success is amazing.”
Isn’t that healthier?
Self-worth needs to and should come from inside of you. You can’t rely on anyone else in this matter.
Because this is your life, and you want to be happy, right?
“Your self-worth is determined by you. You don’t have to depend on someone telling you who you are.” - Beyoncé
You are the creator of your own destiny.
You choose how to react to thoughts, people, environments, and words.
Now you might think it’s impossible to get out of this spiral of intending, failing, and judging. You’re lucky because I realized I overcame that spiral and I can tell 2 things how I did it.
And they are not hard; they are easy to do today and just need a bit of consistency and patience.
Those changes don’t happen overnight, but it’s gonna get easier every day.
2 things I did to show myself that I can trust myself
#1: 80% done is better than trying 100% and making it
My intentions were always big, and if I couldn’t do it 100%, I would give up and put myself down for it.
A human isn’t made to be 100% perfect and do a habit EVERY day. There’s gonna be good and bad days.
Sometimes you forget to do it. Sometimes the environment prevents you from doing it. Sometimes you just don’t want to do it.
And it took me a long time to accept that.
Every time I missed the goal ONCE, I quit and called myself lazy.
“From tomorrow, I meditate everyday.”
And then I forgot once and stopped doing it.
Establishing new, good habits is about consistency, not perfection.
It’s better to do it 24 days a month instead of quitting after day 7 because you missed a day.
Every successful person has healthy habits. Every successful person has days when they don’t do them. It doesn’t matter why.
The important thing is that they continue doing it the next day.
Doing it 80% of the month is better than trying 100%, quitting after day 7, and judging themselves for it.
I’m still meditating. Not every day, but at least 80% of the month.
#2: small steps
My intentions were always black or white.
"I'll stop eating sugar tomorrow.”
→ I ate even more.
I thought I was lazy or not disciplined. You’re not lazy when you procrastinate on those set intentions.
You just got disappointed by yourself so many times already, and don’t believe in yourself anymore.
Instead of thinking about big goals and making a big step overnight.
You need to get the trust in yourself back with small steps first.
Instead of cutting all the sugar, let’s start by eating one piece of chocolate less.
You need to show yourself that you succeed in your intentions. That you’re seeing your worthiness to do those things for yourself.
Instead of thinking in big picture steps, find small steps you can do today.
Decreasing your scroll time by 10 minutes
Stop watching TV after 1 episode
Go for a walk for 5 minutes
Read 5 pages
Write one sentence
Answer 1 email
Be a doer for yourself
Instead of putting everyone else first because you like the compliments, put your life first for once and see what happens.
It’s your life, and you should be priority #1.
It’s not selfish. It’s actually the opposite. If you don’t take care of yourself, you will have to quit sooner because of health issues.
Be reliable to yourself. First.
Find that trust in yourself again by taking small steps and being gracious with yourself; you can’t do 100% daily.
Self-worth isn’t a feeling. It’s a practice.
If you struggle with self-worth, self-esteem, or people-pleasing, join my mentoring program and I can help you individually overcome those limitations.
Reply to this email, send me a DM or book a free introduction call here.
🌿 This is one piece of an ongoing conversation I share each week inside this space with 200+ quietly ambitious women.
👉 If this resonated, you’re welcome to share it or leave a ❤️
Wish you all the best,
Karina
